disneyland!

even as we approached the main entrance, i remember shawn and i being so nervous about surviving a disneyland trip with four kids, one with autism. we were whispering to each other our game plan of what to do if liam (or any of the kids, for that matter) had a meltdown at some point during the day. we whispered that we'd remind each other to take deep breaths and reassured one another that the memories we'd make for the kids would be so worth the inevitable stress that we'd experience. we reminded each other to just not care about onlookers and not care what other people think - this is my biggest difficulty when it comes to liam and his meltdowns in public. we were giving each other this pre-game pep talk and the only thing missing was to put our hands in the middle of the huddle then yelling, "goooo team!" 

we survived. there was crying. there was bickering. there were meltdowns in the middle of main street for cotton candy. there was stress. lots of it. but there were also lots of smiles. lots of laughs. lots of moments of pure wonder in their eyes...and it made every anxious moment worthwhile.

i think i still look a little nervous in our first picture upon entering. heehee

a good friend mentioned that we could get a "guest assistance pass" for liam, which is basically the pass for people with disabilities to skip the lines. i felt guilty about it at first, but then i had just had to realize that we needed it and families like us are one of the reasons they even provide that service. liam has a severe aversion to crowds, loud places and loud music, and not to mention, waiting, so there was no way he'd be able to wait in any lines. before we knew about the pass, we just figured shawn and i would have split up while one of us takes the big kids into a ride and the other stays outside and waits with liam. well, thanks to the pass, this was not the case. liam was able to take part in everything that the big kids did. we were able to do and see everything as a family and actually enjoy the park together. this was huge and i was so incredibly thankful. i remember being in tears at every single ride, when i'd look at liam and just see the wonder and curiosity in his eyes. never, until that day, had i ever truly experienced the magic of disneyland. 

liam was intrigued by goofy and the other characters he saw around the park. too funny.

my boys had zero interest in sleeping beauty's castle or anything princess, actually. sigh. but, i made them pose in front of the castle anyway. because i'm their mom and they have to do what i tell them.

isaiah even got to participate in a jedi training class.

and fight darth vader with his newly-acquired jedi skillz. 

on the boat, about to enter "it's a small world". liam wasn't sure what all the excitement was about and was far more interested in what was up his nose.

this is the first time i'd been to the park during the holidays. "it's a small world" was absolutely breathtaking. 

my favorite picture of the entire day.

my silly boys.

liam, studying his map intently.

this is also the first time i've seen the park decorated for christmas. everything was so beautiful. it's a completely different place during the holidays. i don't think i'd ever want to come at another time of the year ever again!

we were able to watch the fireworks later in the evening. they played christmas music and the fireworks were holiday-themed. and at the end of the show, it snowed on main street! this might not be new to others but, like i said, this is the first time i'd been during the holidays, so i was taken completely by surprise and that was when the waterworks started. i was in tears - it was such a memorable and magical experience for so many reasons. i will never, ever forget it.