mommy at school

it's difficult for me to be present in the boys' classrooms regularly with wyatt having therapy every morning. it takes some coordination and hoping that our beloved babysitter is able to come and help wyatt out while i sneak over to school. well, lucky me, i was able to do this for both isaiah and mikey last week. both of them were thrilled that mommy was coming to school. maybe since i can't do it often, it's becomes something special and more exciting for them. i'll keep telling myself that.

isaiah had been working on his first big presentation for about a week. his assignment was to teach his class a lesson for 15 minutes. it could be about any topic he chose, or he could even teach them how to make a craft of cook a simple dish. he chose to teach his class about one of his passions - brazillian jiu-jitsu. we are taking a hiatus from the sport right now, but before the break he had been practicing for 4 years. so he was excited to share one of his favorite sports with his class.

he had his outline and notes and was a nervous wreck beforehand. it's horrible of me, but i was certain he would bomb it. but as soon as he got up there, it was like second nature to him. he spoke so clearly and confidently and had his audience engaged and participating the entire time. when he asked for volunteers, lots of hands popped up.

his classmates got out of their seats to watch him demonstrate some moves and he was just thrilled. 

and so were they. 

i watched from a distance and he didn't once look up at me for reassurance or approval. but i could feel him telling me, "it's ok. i got this, mom." and he sure did. as soon as he finished, he was still up in the front of the class, but he looked right at me with a huge grin and gave me a thumbs up. i was so incredibly proud of him and the confident, enthusiastic young man he is becoming.

the next day, i spent the morning with mikey and his class for kindergarten field day. now this little guy was so excited that i was going to help out, he woke up every morning 'til and counted down the days. "good morning, mommy! two more days 'til field day!"

finally the day came, and he was a happy little monkey.

it was fun seeing him interact with his friends and also meeting some of their moms.

there was lots of racing.

and jump rope snakes.

and bubble blowing.

and sidewalk chalk drawings. 

and parachute play.

'twas a fun, fun day shared with mister mikey.

so happy i was able to be there with him.

Mostly-real banana bread

We looove banana bread in this house! Actually, we just love bananas, in general. It's rare that bananas sit on our counter long enough to ripen for baking, but when they do, I always make sure to whip up a loaf of our favorite chocolate chip banana bread. I knew I was going to have to come up with some substitutions for our tried and true recipe to better fit into the "real food" criteria.

I admit I cheated a little and added chocolate chips. I couldn't bear to leave them out, it felt like I was profaning the institution of Chocolate Chip Banana Breadery and feared punishment. I decided to take the safe route and not insult the CCBB. I used Ghirardelli semi-sweet chocolate chips, which is as real as I could find. It only has five ingredients, all of which I can pronounce - granted, one is sugar and another soy lecithin, as an emulsifier. 

Thanks to fabulous Google, I learned that I can substitute 3/4 cup of maple syrup for every 1 cup of brown sugar. I also learned that using maple syrup requires a lower cooking temperature because it has a much lower melting point (made sense since it does sit in the pantry as a syrup, whereas brown sugar is solid), so I lowered the oven temp by 25*. 

I also replaced all-purpose flour with whole wheat flour. I like to use the King Arthur brand white whole wheat flour. It's made with white spring wheat instead of red wheat, so it has a much lighter texture and breads are less dense. It is still 100% whole wheat and also tastes better to me. Apparently, it also tastes great to the boys because the entire loaf was gone by the following morning. I'd call that a Win!

So those are the changes I made and I'm excited to share our new favorite recipe for "Mostly-Real Chocolate Chip Banana Bread"!

mostly-real banana bread

::ingredients::

2 cups whole wheat flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup butter

2/3 cup pure maple syrup

2 eggs

2 1/3 cups mashed overripe bananas

3/4 cup Ghirardelli semi-sweet chocolate chips

1:: Preheat oven to 325*F. Grease a 9x5 inch loaf pan. (I used coconut oil for greasing.)

2:: In a large bowl, combine flour, baking soda, salt and chocolate chips.

3:: In a separate bowl, cream together butter and maple syrup. Stir in eggs and mashed bananas until well blended.

4:: Stir banana mixture into flour mixture; stir just to moisten. Pour batter into prepared loaf pan.

5:: Bake in preheated oven for 60-65 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of the loaf comes out clean.

hangin' out

We spent some time at the park yesterday and I was happy to get some pictures of my crazy kids. No more babies here...playtime yesterday proved it. 

Here's my "baby" ready to hit the monkey bars. 

He grabbed onto the first bar all by himself and he is actually hanging by his own strength here. It kind of looks like his feet are on the platform from the angle...but they're not. When did this happen? And I was slightly worried but, obviously, not worried enough since I decided to snap a picture instead of helping him. Mother of the Year. Yep. But you knew that already.

Liam could barely fit into the swing. I practically had to butter him to get him out of it when he was done.

And Daredevil Mikey over here...jumping off of a four-foot-high ledge. Fabulous. I'm happy to report there were no broken ankles or other injuries sustained. That's all that matters, right?

Now, this. This moment was my favorite of all.

A little history...from when Liam was about 10-months-old to 3 years, I have very few pictures of him because he refused to sit still for a camera. He didn't just not sit still, he would burst into a fit of stubborn frustration no matter where we were. 

Let me tell you, it's strange, yet relieving and exciting to see how things have changed in just a short year. I tried to go all ninja on him and snap a picture as he came down the slide, mostly because I didn't think he'd let me take one of him if I asked. But when he heard me snap the picture, he said, "NO, MOM! Let's do that again. I wasn't ready!" and proceeded to go back up the slide and slide down again. Then he stopped himself at that very spot, threw his arm over the side of the slide, positioned himself in a pose that he deemed acceptable and said, "Take it like this, Mom. This is a good one." Followed by, "Now, post it on Facebook, ok?" Oh, how that last request killed me. I about passed out from joy right then and there, but I didn't want to get tan bark in my hair.

This last picture, my friends, is just for the Mister. He hates this cheesy heart-y overlay so, of course, I had to take a pic of us...and use the overlay. Duh. And then post it on Instagram and blog about. Double Duh. What kind of wife would I be if I didn't? Love ya, Babe!

lunch money and life lessons

buying a hot lunch at the cafeteria is, well, totally awesome. i get that. the boys get to choose two days every week to buy a hot lunch and on the other three days, i'll pack a lunch for them. it's always a huge, exciting ordeal for them to read the menu and choose which two days they will buy. dominos pizza on friday is usually a given.

i let michael buy a hot lunch on his very first day of kindergarten and he couldn't stop raving about it. then on the following days that he would buy lunch, i'd pick him up and he'd have a huge grin on his face. he'd say, "guess what i have in my hat?" and then yank his hat off of his head and a package of cookies or crackers that came with his hot lunch would fall out. then both of us would giggle about it the entire walk home. awesome.

wanna know why it's awesome? because he hasn't yet figured out that, on top of buying lunch two days per week, he has the entire spread of breakfast items and snacks and chips and anything in the cafeteria that his little tummy could wish for at his fingertips, literally. the kids access their lunch accounts with a fingertip scan, so they don't need punch cards or anything ancient like that.

isaiah, on the other hand, is a veteran hot lunch buyer and knows the ins and outs of this lunch account business. he knows that if he has time before the bell rings after i drop him off in the morning, he can go into the cafeteria and grab a muffin for breakfast. he knows that at morning recess, he can run into the cafeteria and buy a bag of chips. then, he'll go in at lunch time and buy his hot lunch.

tap. tap. tap. he goes finger tap happy. in the later part of last school year, we told him that he could buy a snack once a week with the money we deposit. if he wants snack on any other day, he'd have to use his allowance. he was totally ok with that and it worked out well.

i think we need to go over the lunch account rules with him again.

i dropped him off this morning and told him that he was buying lunch today, not by his choice but because i didn't have time to make his lunch this morning. he said, "aww, mom. i don't have enough money in my lunch account and i'm going to get labor." in third grade, the kids are expected to be responsible for their lunch accounts, know how much money they have left and replenish if they need to. if they need to "charge" a lunch, they get assigned "labor", which is wiping cafeteria tables and picking up trash.

i knew i deposited $20 just two weeks ago, which should last 8 hot lunches - four weeks if we followed our rules. it's only been two weeks. i immediately knew he was buying snacks. so i looked at him and said, "why don't you have any money left? i just put $20 in your account." he drops his head and replies, "i've been buying snacks." so i said, "then it's not my problem if you get labor." and he said, "okay." and shut the door and ran to his classroom.

so i drove off and immediately started to feel like a shitty mom. i thought about bringing a check to the cafeteria. i thought about packing him a lunch and leaving it in the office. but then i went online and checked his lunch account.

apparently, my kid has a thing for flaming hot munchies. or just munchies, in general, because he bought six bags in ten days. i don't know what a buttermilk bar is but is sure sounds good, so maybe i don't blame him.

but the point is, he's been spending his lunch money like it's going out of style. i immediately lost sympathy for him and decided to let him "labor". and anyway, i think one day of cleaning the cafeteria during lunch recess will serve a better lesson than me saving him by bringing a check to replenish his funds. mommy isn't always gonna be there to save your ass, buddy. you need to pay attention to where your money is going.

embrace the camera ~ aug 22

i'm embracing the camera with my kindergartener and third grader today!

and this is how daddy likes to embrace the camera with his boys...

i just could not wait for school to start. last week was their first week, and with the temperatures hitting nearly 1,000*, i was happy that they were in their classroom doing something fun {under someone else's supervision} and not at home nagging me about who's coming over? or whose house we are going to? or what are we doing today? or whyyyy can't we play outside and attempt to get heat stroke?

i hope all the kiddos have a great start to their new school year!

skool is kool

the big boys started school last monday, so this post is a little late. what's new, right? (btw, i realize i haven't posted in over a month. but i'm just going to start right up again and pretend like my unplanned hiatus never happened. ok, thanks. i knew you'd understand.)

isaiah started third grade and, well, he's pretty much over me. i'm no longer allowed to walk him to class. i have to stop a minimum of three doors down from his classroom and use sign language to tell him "goodbye" and "i love you". then, i have to discreetly separate myself from him as to not draw any attention to ourselves in the hallway. i do all of that, as directed by my 8-year-old baby boy, and also shed sad tears of longing as i turn and walk down the hallway toward michael's classroom. i'm totally exaggerating. sort of. maybe.

michael started kindergarten and he was really excited about that. he hit the ground running when he stepped onto that kinder playground and was ready to take on the world. {insert sinister laugh here} i'm excited that he's excited. his excitement for school is all i could ever ask for. and at least he still lets me hug and kiss him goodbye. that's really all i can ask for.

mikey and baseball

mikey started with the summer baseball program a couple of weeks ago and had his first game last week. despite playing in 104* heat, the kids had a great time and they were so much fun to watch.

mikey was particularly entertaining to the spectators. it's not possible for mikey to just play ball. he has to do tricks, too. like sliding into home plate...except he didn't quite make it to home plate. he stopped about three feet short of it. then he kinda just sat on the dirt all confused, like he didn't know where he was. it was too funny.

he even had a chance to play pitcher. except it's tee-ball, so he didn't really pitch. the pitcher's job it to get the ball back from outfield after a play and throw it back to the umpire. 

of course, mikey couldn't just throw the ball. he had to do this spiffy, backward-over-his-head, throw-the-ball-without-even-looking smooth move and almost popped the next batter on the head. 

but the crowd went wild. and that's what mikey loves - to make the crowd go wild.

thanks for being so awesome, buddy.

i really love to watch you play.

grieving

a good friend of mine learned about wyatt's diagnosis and reminded me that "it is ok to grieve", i have no idea why particular words said by particular people can invoke a particular response from me, while the same words from a different person will make me want to tell them to just shut the hell up. but hearing those words at that moment made me realize that i didn't allow myself the chance grieve properly over wyatt's diagnosis.

even before wyatt was diagnosed, we were proactive about watching for the "signs". as soon as he was diagnosed, i dove head-first into the paperwork process that will get him the right services that he needs. because we've been through it all once before, i've been denying myself the chance to grieve. i've also been lying to myself; convincing myself that this will be no big deal - if we've done it once, we can do it again.

that's bullshit. it is a big deal. and it's time for me to grieve. i'm mom and it's my job to be emotional about my children. if i'm not, then i'm doing something very wrong. it's time for me to take a moment and grieve for what could have been. and grieve for the unknown. i know it's all part of the healing process, necessary so that i can move on. if i don't grieve, these feelings of hurt and sadness will take up a permanent place in my heart - a place that should not be wasted on sadness and instead be extended as more love toward my children.

i grieve for wyatt and the childhood that i hoped for him.
i grieve for the hours, days, weeks, months of his childhood that he will lose to therapy and interventions.
i grieve for the frustration he feels each and every day that causes him to bang his head on things.
i grieve for my fear that he doesn't know how much i want to understand him.
i grieve for his lost voice - a beautiful voice that i know will present itself to us one day - but for now, i grieve it's loss.
i grieve for the cuddle time with my sweet boy that has been stolen by tactile sensitivity.
i grieve for his older brothers who are forced to grow up faster than any child should, just so that they can be more than a brother, but also a teacher and guide.
i grieve for the unkind words that my boys will inevitably hear on the playground at school.
i grieve for both liam and wyatt, who should not have to work so damn hard every single day just so people can understand them.
i grieve for all the things that each person in our family will have to sacrifice in the name of autism.
no one, especially children, should ever have to do that.

whether i go through this once, twice or twenty more times, it's never going to NOT suck. it's just as scary, i'm just as anxious and i'm just as worried as the last time, if not more. but the one and only thing that i really need to understand is that...it's ok.

house hunters

this is what i get for bringing four boys on a house hunt with us...they find the deepest closet and scurry to the back. at least i know that i have a place to put them for time-outs!

on-tism

conversation between me and mikey earlier today....

me: you know, we found out yesterday that wyatt has autism like liam.

(moment of silence. wheels obviously turning in mikey's head as he formulates a response.)

mikey: on-tism must make kids really fun. because liam, wyatt and all the kids at liam's school that i play with at summer camp are so so fun. i want on-tism.

oh, mister mikey. i don't know how i would ever get through my days without you.



to my dearest wyatt,

i won't always be the perfect mommy. i won't always know what to do, what you want or how to respond. but please know in your heart that i will never ever give you any less than my best. i will be the best mommy, advocate, teacher, therapist- the very best anything - that i can be to help you become the very best you that you can be. together we will learn and stumble and fall (a lot), but there is nothing we can't get through. i love you more than the stars in the sky.

love, mommy

rejection

we got our first rejection today for a purchase offer on a house. waaah waaah waaah. i guess i'll have to get used to this feeling. i have a hard time going into anything without my whole heart, that's just the way i am. so when i find a i house i love i, literally, fall in love.

stop that, right now, katrina. *smack across the face*

ok, thanks. i needed that.

but, c'mon. don't tell me this isn't the cutest little house you've ever seen. it's like my very own little piece of cape cod...in california. wait...what state do i live in again?

i was imagining christmas time in that house - big, green wreaths with a red bow on every window.  lovely, no? sighhh....

and the brick fireplace and french doors....{{swoon}} 

oh, well...for whatever reason, it just wasn't meant to be for our family and this house. i'll just comfort myself by imagining the peeps that outbid us will find termites or something during the inspection. bwahha. i'm evil, know...

onward we go in our house hunt......

#2 goes to kindergarten

mister mikey had his first day of kindergarten bridge camp today. the kinder teachers bring in the incoming kindergartners for one week early in the summer to get them familiar with their future teachers and classrooms.

mikey dropped right in and was super excited to get his day started.

i was a little sad to send him off because it means he is growing up. but i was more excited for him and the things he will learn. he has been in preschool for three years and was beyond ready for this transition.

i picked him up and he came running into my arms, "i LOVE kindergarten, mommy! it was soooo fun!" that is the best reaction i could ever ask for.

what if..

today, i sent a message to our pediatrician and asked for a behavioral evaluation of wyatt. my heart has been heavy lately and i've been struggling with the thought that i could have another child with autism. i won't go into detail right now about the things i'm noticing in wyatt's behavior that are significant traits of autism. just know that they are there.

the mister and i keep telling ourselves that he's still so young. or he does ____. but doesn't _____. our conversations always start with those two words that can drive a person crazy (or a marriage into turmoil)...what if. i just can't keep thinking what if anymore. i just want some answers. i want to know. or maybe i just want to know what someone else thinks about it all.

in all reality, wyatt really is still very young. but at the same time, liam was only two months older than wyatt is now when our pediatrician noticed his behavior. 18-months-old. and it turns out, liam wasn't too young and the early intervention was so crucial to getting him to the developmental point he is at now. so i guess, the earlier we figure it out the better it will be for wyatt.

please pray for us, friends. please pray that we have the strength and courage to face what may come. and that we can get through it all with grace.

friends

a dear friend of mine texted this picture of our boys to me. they are one of the first families we met when we moved here to tracy. jake was 3 years old and isaiah was 4 when we met.

it's fun to watch them grow up and experience childhood together. sometimes, they fight and bicker like brothers - a sure sign of a wonderful friendship! :)

Sent from my Verizon Wireless smartphone

photo-a-day #15: cool dude

wyatt is getting some cool dude training from his big brothers. 

first item on the training plan: 

wear your stunna shades. even at night.

occupy mommy's phone

it's an understatement to say that liam loves to play on my phone. and i love for him to play on it because he learns lots of words and phrases from all the great apps. but, seriously. someone get this kid his own phone, stat. he's taken over mine and mommy is having a really hard time sharing! if i try to make my own phone even slightly efficient for my own use, maybe add a shortcut to my home screen, he promptly deletes it and replaces it with his shortcut ABCs for Toddlers. 

le sigh.

what's more amusing than liam's obsession with my phone are the places he chooses to plop down and play. 

like on the kitchen floor in front of the oven.

or maybe in the laundry basket. a little odd, but he sure looks comfy.

at least he gives me an excuse for why i couldn't put the laundry away.

on the ottoman, which he pushed to the very middle of the living room.

anywhere but on the sofa. sitting in front of it is perfectly acceptable, though.

this "occupy mommy's phone" movement is getting a little old, buddy!

thankful

ever feel so blessed and thankful that your heart feels like it's going to explode?

i do. right now. 

and it's because of these happy, smiling faces that light up my days.

christmas already

i can't believe that christmas eve is just 8 days away! short of a case of wine to gift, we pretty much have all of our christmas shopping done. that's huge, because i'm usually running around like a madwoman on the morning of christmas eve trying to find those last minute gifts. i triple like that we got done early this year and i love that i was able to put some good thought into the presents. i hope everyone loves them!

in our house, christmas is all over the place. 

the stocking are hung.

the boys' nutcracker collection is on display. for some reason, they loooove these things. here are a few of my favorites.

yes, that's a clone trooper nutcracker. whodathunkit?

christmas cards are arriving.

shutterfly finally just shipped ours. i hope we can get them to everyone before christmas! hahah

the tree is up and trimmed (finally!) and i got a sneak peek of my christmas presents - and i must say, they are the best presents ever!

wishing you all a wonderful holiday season!

xoxo, the adams six-pack