embrace the camera - aug 25

it's been a long, tough week of therapy for my sweet liam. 

which is why it's been pretty quiet in our little corner of the blogosphere.

i'm just too tired to blog. perpetually exhausted.

lots of changes happening. transitions. lots of fighting. lots of tears. but also lots of progress.

and that's what keep us going.

things will get worse before they get better.

i get that.

in the meantime, i'll just embrace the camera with my sweet boy.

even though he's more interested in poking at the screen.

sorry, liam. the laptop isn't a touch screen.

 fine. don't give me a kiss. 

i'll just take one.

or maybe two. 

love you, little monster.

thanks for making me a better me.

school days

{2009}

mikey on his first-ever day of preschool. 

the beginning of his journey of learning.

 this day was a tear-jerker, for sure. 

look at him and his sippy cup...i die just looking at that picture again.

brothers on mikey's first day. 

aren't i awesome for cutting shawn out of that picture?

isaiah's first day of kindergarten

brothers and mommy on isaiah's big day.

 {2010} 

mikey's second year of preschool and he was soooo ready for it.

i'll never be as ready as he is each year.

brothers, on mikey's big day.

isaiah's first day of first grade. 

and no, it wasn't crazy hair day. 

i've learned to pick my battles with these boys, and the hairstyle they desire is not a battle i choose to take on.

brothers on isaiah's big day.

{2011}

mikey's third, and last, year of preschool before he goes off to kindergarten. 

i'm dyyyyyyyiiinnggg.

isaiah's first day of second grade.

 

please, help me, i'm hyperventilating.

brothers and mommy on their big day this year. 

our boys are growing up so fast. 

good thing we have two more to see off to school. you see, this is why we have so many children, or so we say. hahahaha

a sweaty mess

do you read the chronicles of ruthie hart? if you don't, you are really missing out! she's the cutest thing ever and i love how she posts about...well, everything. she's posted some awesome {and easy} recipes that i have yet to try, like sweet potato crackers and nutella chocolate chip cookies. seriously, right? nutella + chocolate chips...she's a girl after my own heart.

anyway, she posted about a walking treadmill workout created by courtney that i have been dying to try out. i recently injured my back, so i've slowly been getting back into high impact workouts again. the idea of running still scares me, so this "sweaty mess" workout sounded like a great alternative. ruthie also had me sold when she mentioned the booty workout she gets from this. i'm sure you've seen me complain about my shrinking butt. now, if someone could just tell me how to lose the weight in the places i want to {i.e. not my butt}, then i'll be all set.

i did this workout for the first time today, and i was definitely a sweaty mess. i felt more taxed than i do when i run. those inclines are no joke, people. i was panting like a freakin' dog. i think i need to tweek the speeds a little bit, though, because i found that i had to do a slow jog for 4.5 mph; it was just too fast for walking for me.

try it! you're gonna love it.

source

and when that starts to feel easy and you're feeling like superwoman, try the sweaty mess incline intervals for running.

source

just seeing that 9.0 mph at the end made me tired. maybe next week.....

it was a good day

last friday the last weekday of freedom before the boys went back to school today. and we spent all of it at home. in our pajamas {which means nothing but undies, for a few of the boys in this house}. vegging out. and enjoying a day of nothing. the house was a complete mess because i think they managed to pull out and play with every. single. toy. they own. but it's ok. it was a wonderful day spent with my four little loves.

lots of playing with action figures.

lots of popcorn.

lots of tummy time.

lots of puzzles.

lots of curly cuteness.

and a hallway that could not be walked through.

it was a good day.

hi.

i think "hi" is one of the first things that babies say, am i right? and they wave, too, right? if i remember correctly, it was right around 12 months when mikey was waving his hand to anyone and everyone in sight and saying, "hiiiii!!!!" so this was something that i expected liam to do, as well. 

12 months went by. 14 months. 18 months. 24 months. still no "hi". and no waving. liam's therapist would walk through the door every single morning and say, "hi, liam!", with the hope of him saying it back to her. but for months and months, she was greeted with silence and maybe a little eye contact, if she was lucky.

i remember prepping him, pleading trying to reason with him and tell him that it's only polite to say hi when someone says it to him. i got silence. a lot of silence. and no waving. i remember opening the door with high hopes every morning, thinking "today is going to be the day! liam will say hi to miss rosalie." more silence. and still no wave. 

and tears. yes, there were tears. to a lot of people, i'm sure a simple "hi" and a wave seem so trivial. but when my beautiful boy is two-years-old and missing every single communication milestone that he should be reaching, little things like this become big things. 

then came the big day. miss rosalie walked in the door one fine morning and greeted 30-month-old liam, "hi, liam!" there was short silence, we didn't expect him to respond, and then he looked up at her and said "hi" while waving his hand enthusiastically!

my heart jumped up into my throat, and i'm sure rosalie's did, too, because we both started squealing with joy and tears came down both of our faces and she picked him up and twirled him around and danced with him and he giggled and smiled and, to us, he was the most beautiful and perfect thing on this earth.

fast forward two months to 32-month-old liam. 

and his favorite word? 

you guessed it.

he passes me in the hallway. hi.

he sees me in the kitchen. hi.

i'm in the shower and he presses his face against the glass door. hi.

he barges through the bathroom door while i'm going pee. hi.

he stands at the doorway to my bedroom and peeks in. hi.

he climbs into bed to cuddle with me. hi.

he comes to see me while i'm on the computer. hi.

hi. hi. hi. hi. hi.

and his voice. it's the sweetest, tiniest little voice that you'd ever hear. hi. it's like the voice of an angel, the sweet, calm sound in the middle of any storm. hi. i can't wait to hear more of his little voice. we've been plagued with silence for far too long. you have a voice, baby boy, and i 'm sure you'll be talking our ears off any day now.

embrace the camera - aug 11

the bigs participated in a summer baseball program called the junior giants. this program is sponsored by the san francisco giants and is an awesome, well-funded, free community program that we are so fortunate to be able to participate in. 

isaiah and mikey had games yesterday at the exact same time, of course, because the universe purposely makes things as difficult as possible for me. i missed mikey's entire game because i had to help coach isaiah's team. :( it was a big bummer for me because it was mikey's last game of the summer. isaiah played an awesome game, and even hit a homerun. afterwards, i found out he was playing extra hard because a couple of girls from his class at school were on the opposing team. apparently, he was showing off. those girls were some motivation!

i made sure to get a picture of me and my big boys after all the baseball fun.

i hope everyone's enjoying what's left of summer. we are starting school again on MONDAY over here!!! just four more days!!! i can't believe how fast the summer went by.

the neiman marcus cookie

where do you keep your recipes? 

i have always just thrown mine into a drawer. now it seems i've accumulated so many that it's become a big mess in there and i can never find what i need. i've been thinking that it's time to do some recipe organizing, but i wasn't sure how i wanted to do it. 

i was able to stroll through michaels the other day, ALONE, which means i was able to rummage through all of the clearance bins. i found this cute recipe binder for $3 and the matching recipe cards for 60 cents a pack. so for $4.20, i will be able to organize my recipes and such into this cute binder, divided and all organized and stuff. don't be jealous of me and this long and tedious awesome and super cool project that i am about to dive into.

as i was going through the gazillion random pieces of paper, i found a recipe for "the neiman marcus cookie". i think i got it at our annual holiday cookie exchange last christmas, but i hadn't tried making them yet. 

little did i know that i would never look at chocolate chip cookies the same again after making a batch of this heavenly treat. i always thought i loved the texture and taste of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, but i think the neiman marcus cookie, with its delicious hint of coffee, has changed my mind and heart forever. i have a new favorite. 

here's the recipe. go and try it. you know you want to. i even made it as an adorable recipe card that you can print as a 4x6. if this doesn't motivate you to get your own recipe binder started, i don't know what will.

my struggle

i struggle A LOT with being a stay at home mom. i struggle mostly because i busted my ass to finish college, while working in the biotech industry, while pregnant with my second child, while taking care of my first child. and now, being a sahm, i can't help but think i put all that effort into my career for nothing.

i struggle because i crave pressure and progress and accomplishment. and yeah, i know i get those things as a sahm, but i'm not just talking about pressure to get from soccer practice to open house at school in a timely fashion or finally cleaning the baseboards and ceiling fans or mikey finally going a day without an "accident". 

i'm talking about the pressure of having a deadline to meet with a production run or getting a promotion or having my research paper published. MY paper that I wrote...getting published for all the scientific research community to read. i crave to be useful. i crave to be productive. i crave to feel needed. appreciated. respected. and, hey, bringing home a paycheck doesn't hurt my ego, either.

and many days as a sahm, none of that happens. my days are more like...mom, where are my shin guards? mom, what's for dinner? we're gonna be late, mom. that's not what i wanted in my lunch, mom. what do you mean you didn't pick up my dry cleaning? juice! i want juice! then, of course, there's the seven loads of laundry and loading and unloading the dishwasher three times a day. but the hardest part to grasp is that by the end of my day as Mom, i'm more tired than i was at the end of the day when i worked a 9-5 AND my workday isn't over yet. it's never over.

today, for example, i'm exhausted. my back is aching. my head hurts. we missed the boys' end-of-season baseball game. the kitchen floor is still sticky. my husband is ignoring me. liam punched me during therapy. again. and not once did anyone say thank you to me. 

my emotional bank is drained. depleted. and i don't know when the next deposit is coming, but i hope it's soon. so then i can put this nonsense away again....until the next time my emotional balance goes negative.

source

embrace the camera - aug 4

a friend of my mine took this picture of me and isaiah at a birthday party we went to last weekend. it cracks me up because i {obviously} want to embrace the camera with my eldest son who {obviously} wants nothing to do this with me and this picture perfect moment. 

pardon me and my skin that looks like burnt toast, but we have been spending way too much time swimming under the sun this summer.

what happened to moments like this?

he used to be so happy to pose for a pic with his mama.

and that sweet little baby face?

gone are the days, i guess.

at least he still spontaneously gives me hugs and kisses...as long as we're not in public.

sigh...my baby boy is a baby no more.

the nerve of this guy

wyatt turned seven months old a few days ago. 

and he has really got some nerve...getting all big and cute and snuggly like this.

doesn't he realize i have so many other things to do besides stare at his precious face and constantly clean the stank from between his neck rolls?

he obviously has no regard for his mother's feelings or the health of her lower back when he weighs in at twenty-four pounds at seven months old.

thanks for showing a little empathy, wyatt. 

i know, i know. you don't mean to grow so big. 

you can't help it if your father is a six-foot-four, pure-bred sasquatch.

it also helps a lot that you're cute.

i'll do pretty much anything for a cute baby. 

especially one of mine.

and you've got a serious belly laugh, often topped off with a hefty snort. 

that combination can immediately brighten anyone's day.

such a good sleeper, too.

mommy slept for fourteen hours the other night and, guess what? 

so did you.

at least, i think you did. i really have no idea.

have i mentioned how awesome your daddy is?

yeah, daddy's a pretty cool dude. 

and you should know that he is madly in love with you, mister wyatt.

as am i.

just promise me you won't grow up when i'm not looking.

i really don't want to miss a moment of it.

but i won't hold you to it, wyatt. 

i turned my back on you for a moment during breakfast, only to look back and find this mess.

 those were some pretty impressive mess-making moves, buddy. but what can i expect when you come from a house full of ninjas.