super reader

3-year-old liam reads a book to me!

swim! swim! by lerch

what if..

today, i sent a message to our pediatrician and asked for a behavioral evaluation of wyatt. my heart has been heavy lately and i've been struggling with the thought that i could have another child with autism. i won't go into detail right now about the things i'm noticing in wyatt's behavior that are significant traits of autism. just know that they are there.

the mister and i keep telling ourselves that he's still so young. or he does ____. but doesn't _____. our conversations always start with those two words that can drive a person crazy (or a marriage into turmoil)...what if. i just can't keep thinking what if anymore. i just want some answers. i want to know. or maybe i just want to know what someone else thinks about it all.

in all reality, wyatt really is still very young. but at the same time, liam was only two months older than wyatt is now when our pediatrician noticed his behavior. 18-months-old. and it turns out, liam wasn't too young and the early intervention was so crucial to getting him to the developmental point he is at now. so i guess, the earlier we figure it out the better it will be for wyatt.

please pray for us, friends. please pray that we have the strength and courage to face what may come. and that we can get through it all with grace.

liam's first day

liam had his first day of preschool on tuesday and this new adventure had our entire family excited yet anxious for our sweet boy. it was definitely an exciting day. i did take some photos, but they don't do justice to the excitement. did i mention it was exciting? (hahah it's getting late....and my vocabulary shrinks as the night progresses.)

liam eats breakfast.

liam fiddles with his backpack strap.

liam and mommy trying to pose in front of what looks like the gate to a juvenile detention facility.

daddy trying to get all creative with the camera angle. fail.

liam finally showing a little bit of excitement. 

walking to his classroom.

he walked into the classroom, found a puzzle, got completely involved and forgot that i was even there.

so, we turn to leave and i'm slightly disappointed that it wasn't as dramatic as i expected it to be.

oh, but wait. 

liam notices me and shawn leaving, so he starts to cry. 

let the drama commence. 

i proceeded to cry as soon as i heard him cry.

 lord, have mercy. 

i turn toward the door to make a break for it and walk right into the door jamb.

thank goodness my face was there to take the hit. 

at the same moment, i let out (or in?) an embarrassingly loud snort amid my crying. 

i finally rush out the door, successful this time, but red-faced and defeated nonetheless.

doesn't that sound exciting?

oh, it was. believe me.

later that morning, when the redness in my face finally began to fade, liam's program assistant calls me and says, "liam's totally fine. but i was calling to see how YOU were doing." 

i'm immediately red-faced, once again. fantastic.

 it did make me happy, though, when his p.a. sent me this photo of my sweet boy. 

smiling. pretending. having fun.

i'm one super proud mama.

it's official!!!

liam's starting preschool!

yikes...yikes...and more yikes.

the whole process leading up to yesterday's IEP meeting has weighed heavy on my heart since it began. survey after survey. questionnaire after questionnaire. psychologists and psychiatrists and teachers and then some in and out of our house on a daily basis for assessments. hearing these strangers talk about my baby and try to "figure him out" has not been easy. this is why i've been pretty off the radar on my blog. i wanted to focus my energy on what was really important at the time - placing liam in a preschool program where he would thrive and be happy.

and finally, some three months later, we have received the results of all his assessments and they describe him pretty perfectly. his social and behavior skills are deficient, which i think will be helped by placing him in a preschool site with other children. and his cognitive skills are way beyond his age level. there were 8 different specialists present at the meetings, many of whom conducted assessments with liam, and all of them were blown away by his intelligence. he was completing puzzles and problem-solving tasks that are age-appropriate for a second grader. the school psychologist said that he finished the testing for a 3 year old with no problem, so she gave him items that were typically given to 5-7 year olds "just to see if he could do them", and he did. all of them. another psychologist saved a piece of paper from her assessment with liam where he had written the entire alphabet in completely legible handwriting. there is no question that our liam is incredibly gifted. now, we just need to focus on the areas where he is deficient and do our best to prepare him for kindergarten.

the decision as to his placement has been made. he will be going to the school site for the same program that he has been with in-home for over a year now. he has made such great progress with them, we didn't see any reason to change things. the only change is that he will be at a school with other children rather than at home with Mom. he will even have the same teachers as he has had in-home, which will hopefully help him transition smoothly.

tomorrow is his last day of in-home sessions, then i have two weeks to spend with my baby before he officially starts preschool. i'm excited for him to start this next chapter of his journey, but i'm also a little sad. therapy in the morning with liam was what ran my days for the past year. i can't help but feel like, "what am i going to do now?" but i'm sure wyatt and i will find plenty of things to do to occupy our time while all of his brothers are in school. :)

i brought liam to his school yesterday because i wanted to see how he would take to the new environment. i feared the worst - tantrum at the door, refusing to go in, kicking and screaming. to my surprise, i got the complete opposite. we walked right in, he recognized a few of the people there from visits at home and found a spot in the play room with one of his teachers. i toured the school a bit and when i came back to him, i found him playing happily and he looked like he didn't even notice i left. i ask him, "do you like your new school, liam?" he answered, "yeah". i asked, "are you ready to go home now?" he answered, "no. no, thanks." i can't even clearly remember because everything was such a blur, almost like a dream, but i'm pretty sure i cried. (i cry about everything.) i think i was just having a hard time realizing that we are finally at this point - the point that we have been preparing him for for the past year - and that he is ready. 


wish us luck!!!


liam has a huge team of people supporting and guiding him. i wish i could give each of them the world. but, i can't. so instead, i made them some cards.

liam and one of his teachers, melissa. she has been such a blessing.

a love note

i was sewing at the dining table when liam ran up to me and shoved his magnadoodle in my lap. i hesitated to respond because i was trying to sew a straight line, but he was persistent. he said "look. look." i looked down and found this note from my beautiful little boy.

"love you."

i love you, too, sweet boy. you make my heart overflow with joy.

.

embrace the camera - aug 25

it's been a long, tough week of therapy for my sweet liam. 

which is why it's been pretty quiet in our little corner of the blogosphere.

i'm just too tired to blog. perpetually exhausted.

lots of changes happening. transitions. lots of fighting. lots of tears. but also lots of progress.

and that's what keep us going.

things will get worse before they get better.

i get that.

in the meantime, i'll just embrace the camera with my sweet boy.

even though he's more interested in poking at the screen.

sorry, liam. the laptop isn't a touch screen.

 fine. don't give me a kiss. 

i'll just take one.

or maybe two. 

love you, little monster.

thanks for making me a better me.

hi.

i think "hi" is one of the first things that babies say, am i right? and they wave, too, right? if i remember correctly, it was right around 12 months when mikey was waving his hand to anyone and everyone in sight and saying, "hiiiii!!!!" so this was something that i expected liam to do, as well. 

12 months went by. 14 months. 18 months. 24 months. still no "hi". and no waving. liam's therapist would walk through the door every single morning and say, "hi, liam!", with the hope of him saying it back to her. but for months and months, she was greeted with silence and maybe a little eye contact, if she was lucky.

i remember prepping him, pleading trying to reason with him and tell him that it's only polite to say hi when someone says it to him. i got silence. a lot of silence. and no waving. i remember opening the door with high hopes every morning, thinking "today is going to be the day! liam will say hi to miss rosalie." more silence. and still no wave. 

and tears. yes, there were tears. to a lot of people, i'm sure a simple "hi" and a wave seem so trivial. but when my beautiful boy is two-years-old and missing every single communication milestone that he should be reaching, little things like this become big things. 

then came the big day. miss rosalie walked in the door one fine morning and greeted 30-month-old liam, "hi, liam!" there was short silence, we didn't expect him to respond, and then he looked up at her and said "hi" while waving his hand enthusiastically!

my heart jumped up into my throat, and i'm sure rosalie's did, too, because we both started squealing with joy and tears came down both of our faces and she picked him up and twirled him around and danced with him and he giggled and smiled and, to us, he was the most beautiful and perfect thing on this earth.

fast forward two months to 32-month-old liam. 

and his favorite word? 

you guessed it.

he passes me in the hallway. hi.

he sees me in the kitchen. hi.

i'm in the shower and he presses his face against the glass door. hi.

he barges through the bathroom door while i'm going pee. hi.

he stands at the doorway to my bedroom and peeks in. hi.

he climbs into bed to cuddle with me. hi.

he comes to see me while i'm on the computer. hi.

hi. hi. hi. hi. hi.

and his voice. it's the sweetest, tiniest little voice that you'd ever hear. hi. it's like the voice of an angel, the sweet, calm sound in the middle of any storm. hi. i can't wait to hear more of his little voice. we've been plagued with silence for far too long. you have a voice, baby boy, and i 'm sure you'll be talking our ears off any day now.